Compositor B's Rants

Because some unknown guy working in a 17-century printshop should still have a platform to spout off.

Global Warming, as Viewed by Firebrand Puritan Preacher Jonathan Edwards

Posted by Compositor B on March 28, 2009

Polluters in the Hands of an Angry Mother Earth

In this verse is threatened the vengeance of Mother Earth on the wicked unbelieving Corporations, who were Mother Earth’s visible people, and who lived under the means of grace; but who, notwithstanding all Mother Earth’s wonderful works towards them, remained void of counsel, having no understanding in them. Under all the cultivations of heaven, they brought forth global warming and carbon dioxide and pollution. The expression I have chosen for my text, their seas shall rise in due time, seems to imply the following things, relating to the punishment and destruction to which these wicked Corporations were exposed.

  1. It implies, that they were always exposed to sudden unexpected destruction. As he that emits the greenhouse gasses is every moment liable to fall, and when he does fall, he falls at once without warning.
  2. That the reason why they are not fallen already is only that Mother Earth’s appointed time is not come. For it is said, that when that due time comes, their seas shall rise. Mother Earth will not hold them up, and at that very instant, they shall fall into destruction.

The observation from the words that I would now insist upon is this. — “There is nothing that keeps wicked CEOs at any one moment out of hell, but the mere pleasure of Mother Earth.” The truth of this observation may appear by the following considerations:

  1. There is no want of power in Mother Earth to cast wicked CEOs into hell at any moment.
  2. They deserve to be cast into hell; so that nature’s justice never stands in the way, it makes no objection against Mother Earth’s using her power at any moment to destroy them. Yea, on the contrary, justice calls aloud for an infinite punishment of their global warming. 
  3. They are already under a sentence of condemnation to hell. The sentence of the law of Mother Earth is gone out against them. Every unconverted CEO properly belongs to hell. The wrath of Mother Earth burns against them, their damnation does not slumber; the pit is prepared, the fire is made ready, the furnace is now hot, ready to receive them; the flames do now rage and glow. The glittering sword is whet, and held over them, and the pit hath opened its mouth under them.
  4. For the present, Mother Earth restrains their wickedness by her mighty power, as she does the raging waves of the troubled sea. Global warming is the ruin and misery of the soul; it is destructive in its nature. The corruption of the heart of the CEO is immoderate and boundless in its fury; and as the heart is now a sink of global warming, so if global warming was not restrained, it would immediately turn the planet into fiery oven, or a furnace of fire and brimstone.
  5. All wicked CEO’s pains and contrivance which they use to escape hell, while they continue to reject Mother Earth, and so remain wicked men, do not secure them from hell one moment.
  6. Mother Earth has laid herself under no obligation, by any promise to keep any CEO out of hell one moment. Till he believes in Mother Earth, Mother Earth is under no manner of obligation to keep him a moment from eternal environmental destruction.

Your greenhouse gas emissions and deforestation make you tend downwards towards hell. Were it not for the sovereign pleasure of Mother Earth, the earth would not bear you one moment; for you are a burden to it; the creation groans with you; the creature is made subject to the bondage of your corruption, not willingly; the sun does not willingly shine upon you to give you light to serve global warming and Satan; the earth does not willingly yield her increase to satisfy your lusts; nor is it willingly a stage for your wickedness to be acted upon; the air does not willingly serve you for breath, while you spend your life in the service of Mother Earth’s enemies. Mother Earth’s creatures are good, and were made for men to serve Mother Earth with, and groan when they are abused to purposes so directly contrary to their nature and end. There are the black clouds of Mother Earth’s wrath now hanging directly over your heads, full of the dreadful storm, and big with thunder; and were it not for the restraining hand of Mother Earth, it would immediately burst forth upon you. The sovereign pleasure of Mother Earth, for the present, stays her rough wind; otherwise it would come with fury, and your destruction would come like a whirlwind, and you would be like the chaff on the summer threshing floor.

The wrath of Mother Earth is like great waters that are dammed for the present; they increase more and more, and rise higher and higher, till an outlet is given; and the longer the stream is stopped, the more rapid and mighty is its course, when once it is let loose. The floods of Mother Earth’s vengeance have been withheld; but your guilt in the mean time is constantly increasing, and you are every day treasuring up more wrath; the waters are constantly rising, and waxing more and more mighty; and there is nothing but the mere pleasure of Mother Earth, that holds the waters back, that are unwilling to be stopped, and press hard to go forward. If Mother Earth should only withdraw her hand from the flood-gate, it would immediately fly open, and the fiery floods of the fierceness and wrath of Mother Earth, would rush forth with inconceivable fury, and would come upon you with omnipotent power.

Thus all you that never passed under a great change of heart, by the mighty power of the Spirit of Mother Earth upon your souls; all you that were never born again, and made new creatures, and raised from being dead in global warming, to a state of new light and life, are in the hands of an angry Mother Earth.

The Mother Earth that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: her wrath towards you burns like fire; You have offended Her infinitely.

O polluter! Consider the fearful danger you are in: it is a great furnace of wrath, a wide and bottomless pit, full of the fire of global warming, that you are held over in the hand of that Mother Earth. You hang by a slender thread! And consider here more particularly:

  1. It is the fierceness of Her wrath that you are exposed to. The fury of Mother Earth! Now Mother Earth stands ready to pity you; this is a day of mercy. But when once the day of mercy is past, your most lamentable and dolorous cries and shrieks will be in vain.
  2. The misery you are exposed to is that which Mother Earth will inflict to that end, that She might show what that wrath of Mother Earth is. NebuchadCheney, that mighty and haughty CEO of Halliburton, was willing to show his wrath when enraged with Greenpeace, PETA, and the ELF; and accordingly gave orders that the burning CO2 should be heated seven times hotter than it was before. But the great Mother Earth is also willing to show her wrath, and when the great and angry Mother Earth hath risen up and executed her awful vengeance on the poor polluter, then will Mother Earth call upon the whole universe to behold that awful majesty and mighty power that is to be seen. 

And now you have an extraordinary opportunity, a day wherein Mother Earth has thrown the door of mercy wide open, and stands in calling and crying with a loud voice to poor polluters. How can you rest one moment? Are not your souls as precious as the souls of the people at Berkeley, where they are flocking from day to day to Mother Earth? Therefore, let every one that is out of Mother Earth, now awake and fly from the wrath to come. The wrath of Almighty Mother Earth is now undoubtedly hanging over a great part of this congregation. Let every one fly out of Sodom: “Haste and escape for your lives, look not behind you, escape to the mountain, lest you be consumed.”

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2 Responses to “Global Warming, as Viewed by Firebrand Puritan Preacher Jonathan Edwards”

  1. sole4sail said

    I think I agree with you, especially with regards to Mother Earth, but you don’t really believe in hell, beyond the metaphoric, right?

    • Compositor B said

      Well, I just created a parody by changing some words in the famous “Sinners in the Hands of An Angry God” sermon from the 18th centrury. I find the “global warming” cult to be a dangerous fraud, so I wanted something that captured its hysteria and fear-mongering. This isn’t meant to indicate anything at all about my religious views, which are best described as “empirical agnostic.”

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