The Trials of Compositor B

Random Rants on the Vicissitudes of Life

Gee, I Guess I Feel Vindicated…

Posted by Compositor B on November 28, 2009

Those who know me know I’ve long derided “anthropogenic global warming” (AGW) as a complete crock, a 21st-century fertility cult serving simultaneously as a religion substitute for those who hold traditonal religion in contempt, and as a convenient cover for the usual unholy alliance of politicians, bureaucrats and cultural thought-leaders to grab more power and control over the rest of us. And this scam is aided and abetted by scientists and certain big companies looking to ride the gravy train to wealth and/or fame.  

But honestly, I never really thought about a concerted effort to scam the rest of us as such.  The natural confluence of human greed and a science herd-mentality seemed sufficient to explain the rise of an idea that’s simply laughable on its face if you apply the dullest edge of Occam’s Razor to it. 

But lo and behold, turns out the “science” is indeed so flimsy that a concerted effort to keep the whole house of cards intact has indeed been under way. The growing “climategate,” (or “warmergate” or “climaquiddick,” whatever) is an early holiday delight to us AGW  “deniers.” The link above to Tim Blair’s wrap-up is a mere appetizer, by the way, feel free to read and further research.

Me? I’m just gonna bask in the glow of knowing that sometimes, your gut tells you what’s right and what’s pernicious nonsense, and it’s nice to have some empirical validation of that inner voice that speaks so urgently from a more primitive, but perhaps more perceptive, part of our brain.  

Cross-posted at Is This The Change?

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Today’s Musical Criticism: “Unemployed Boyfriend” by Everclear

Posted by Compositor B on October 28, 2009

First, the lyrics. OK then:

  1. “Peggy” seems kind of annoying, no?
  2. Our heroine is hanging at the unemployment office, whining about “nasty chairs” and her “loser of a caseworker” – oh, sorry, you mean the harried lady who puts up with your ass and actually has a job. Unlike you. I’m thinking our humble narrator needs a tad less attitude.
  3. Bear in mind the guy is also hanging around the unemployment office, promising to never be…unemployed. It’s possible he just recognizes it’s an easy place to score with trashy chicks. Or he’s hoping she won’t notice the gap between his promises and reality.
  4. Likewise, his promise of never-ending orgasms seems unlikely. Only I can promise those.
  5. She approached him in the parking lot and bummed a smoke, yet has completely forgotten him, what, 20 minutes later?  
  6. She has a “disaffected stare.” Whines about the injustices heaped upon her by people who will give her money for being jobless. Is ready to leap into something with this random dude who writes on her. Does anyone else think she’s got more baggage than the storage room behind the valet stand at the Bellagio? Yet somehow, she’s dating a rock star? (If weirdo is to be believed).
  7. She describes him as a “total stranger.” It’s pretty obvious from his words that he’s bordering on being an obsessive stalker. How many times has he spied on her and her beau?
  8. She thinks Perry Farrell is hot. Not promising.
  9. She’s shocked that her “bitchy” sister (the one who probably lets her crash at her place whenever she gets in frequent fights with boyfriends or roommates) finds the notion that she’s already fantasizing about a life with creepy, could-be-a-stalker, hangs-around-the unemployment-office-guy to be funny.   

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One of Those Guys…

Posted by Compositor B on October 1, 2009

 You know one of those guys who constantly sends out “humor” emails he thinks are hilarious, things that barely rise to the level of “very slightly amusing” and mostly rate as “three minutes of my life I’ll never get back?”

And furthermore, he sends them at least a month after they’ve been floating around the Net, so you’ve seen them three times already?

You know one of those guys? Well…I think I know about twelve.

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Running Novice

Posted by Compositor B on October 1, 2009

A conversation with a running store owner and another customer, proving that I am still a mere wanna-be in the world of distance running:

Customer: “Yeah, that glide really helps stop my foot from chafing raw.”
Owner: “I get real bad chafing on my nipples, so that’s where I lube up real good.”
Me: “HA HA HA! Funny!”
{Two looks of scornful “who is this idiot?”}
Me: “Oops, thought that was a joke…” {awkward silence}

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Thundarr-Blogging, Pt. 2

Posted by Compositor B on June 10, 2009

More excitement from everyone’s favorite Conan wanna-be from the year 3994, Thundarr the Barbarian! This installment’s episode: “Harvest of Doom.” Comments, again in no particular order:

Why, exactly, is it necessary to stop the speeding train? For “lords of light’s” sake, can’t you just let the thing hurtle by?

Note that Thundarr thinks the train is an animal, and Ariel has to tell his dumb ass it’s a train. Once again, we watch in envy as the hottie chooses to date the dumb jock. Even the futuristic sci-fi/fantasy world of 3994 turns out to be just like high school, circa any year, pretty much.

In one of many coincidences, this train just happens to be carrying a crop of dangerous flowers and a bunch of scaly villains up to no good. I guess Thundarr’s instincts to blindly run down and search a train that moments before he thought was an actual animal were on target.

The “DEATH-flowers” are not well-named, seeing as they only render one unconscious and/or allow others to control your mind. The future’s version of “EXTREME marketing,” perhaps.

The Carocks are just about the most buffoonish bunch of bad guys since the storm-troopers of Star wars. They also tend to flee when their weapons get knocked out of their hands, in spite of being heavily muscled with razor-sharp claws and teeth.

“Carocks” = mutant, humanoid crocodiles. Yeah, I know. “Carock-o-diles.” Moving on…

Thundarr continues to demonstrate the social skills and sensitivity he displayed in the last episode by yelling at terrified old ladies. This time, when a young girl saves him from a brutal swamp monster, he immediately and contemptuously calls her “swamp urchin.” That’s like telling a stranger who just gave you the Heimlich maneuver in a restaurant “thanks, ya filthy hobo!”

He also furrows his brow and snorts “females!” to express his general male bewilderment and annoyance at Ariel and the Swamp Urchin agreeing on paying her for her help. Thundarr, you sexist pig you….

For all his being a mighty barbarian warrior in a dangerous and deadly world, sneaking up on Thundarr is easier than winning a spelling bee with a two-year-old. Every other time he turns around, right behind him within arm’s reach are (1) furry, poisonous snakes, or (2) more Carocks waiting to chop off his head. Dude, pay a little more attention to your surroundings, a little less to Ariel’s caboose. Although that is a mighty fine caboose. Ariel is a prime example of smokin’ hot 80s cartoon cheesecake.

Aha – Thundarr must fight his best friend, Ookla, who is under sinister mind-control. Now where have I seen this before? Oh yeah: http://www.lirpa.de/pic/lirpa_06.jpg

“Ariel, Ookla, riiide!” Ah, that still gives me goose bumps. No, not really.

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Thundarr the Barbarian “Liveblog”

Posted by Compositor B on June 4, 2009

Well, as “live” as one can blog a cartoon rerun that envisioned 1994 as the “near future.”  This episode: “Prophecy of Peril” wherein Thundarr et al. must fight the evil wizard Vashtar by getting three women together who, according to a prophecy, will finish him off. No time stamps, I just did this as it played.

* Advice for evil wizards: when you capture the woman whom the prophesy predicts will cause your downfall, KILL HER, don’t put her in the dungeon, you idiot!

* If you make the mistake above, then for God’s sake don’t be stupid enough to tell her friends where you’ve hidden her away, allowing them to spring her.

* Seriously, this “evil wizard” is about as menacing and competent as Gargamel.

 *So…the supermodel captured from 1994 and brought to the future is now completely fine with the fact that she’s magically grown wings?

*When you yell “Be Silent Woman! We need your cart to overthrow the evil wizard!” and she’s terrified by your giant, wookie-like companion, don’t just assume she gives up the cart because she hates the local wizard.

* As a general rule, yelling at frail old ladies is not cool. That’s somebody’s grandma, dude.

*Thundarr “Prophecy of Peril” episode wrapup: Evil wizards should not squander their shot at world domination by (1) failing to kill the only ones who can kill them when they have the chance, (2) revealing where they have imprisoned the aforementioned, so their friends can spring them, and (3) failing to invest in basic combat training for their evil minions.

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If I wrote Facebook Quizzes, Part 1

Posted by Compositor B on May 7, 2009

You just took the “Who were You in a Past Life?” quiz, and the result is: “A Sixth-Century Gaulish peasant named Glerf.”

“You live in a filthy hut with dirt floors, heated by dung fires. You have no redeeming characteristics whatsoever, and died at 32 years of age, old and toothless.”

You just took the “What 1980s Sci-fi Cartoon Character are You” quiz and the result is “Ookla the Mok

“You are a hairy, smelly humanoid who only communicates in animal grunts. Your language makes Wookie sound like the Queen’s English. Your best friends are a hot babe and a Conan wanna-be from the future.”

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Facebook Observations

Posted by Compositor B on May 1, 2009

 In no particular order:

  1. People try way too hard to make their life seem exciting, all the time. FACT: the vast majority of even a rock star’s life is still composed of mundane, boring events like brushing one’s teeth, eating a bagel, or working out at the gym. Constantly telling me about them does not make them more exciting (“Bryan will be at the store and is getting out of the car in five minutes! Whoopee! Hate driving in traffic!”). Sometimes, less is more.
  2. Do not tell me when you just got up and when you’re going to bed.
  3. I get it people, you need and drink a lot of coffee.
  4. Some people are trying way too hard to seem intellectual.
  5. All those stupid quizzes exist solely for the purpose of making people feel good about themselves. Every single result is basically “you’re the coolest!”
  6. I think the Greek myth character Narcissus looks at some of these pages and thinks ”holy crap, this guy is really into himself!”
  7. When your “friend” count goes above 1000, I’m guessing we are defining “friend” rather broadly. Maybe the friend list should be subdivided: real friends, kinda friends, acquaintances I see once a month, co-workers who will be offended if I ignore their request, people from high school who I really don’t remember, etc.
  8. I do not want to join your mafia or pirate crew, I will not take the quiz, and really, I don’t need another drink or piece of flair.
  9. Per the above point, why don’t they have more realistic games? “Accountant Wars.” Join Bryan’s audit team and help him pull off the “inventory records” job.
  10. There’s no way the hot babe with the “dirty deeds done dirt cheap” bar over her eyes has ever been, or will ever be, “searching for me.”
  11. The only thing I’m going to become a fan of is ME. I’m a huge fan of myself. Want to become a fan?
  12. OK, # 11 undercuts my snarkiness on point #6, I guess.
  13. Stop posting pics of yourself 20 years ago as your “profile photo.”
  14. For that matter, stop posting pics of people who aren’t actually, YOU, as your profile photo. Ditto for pics of your dog, etc. I’m the least photogenic man on the planet, and my profile pic is a self-shot with a grainy cell phone on a day I didn’t shave.  

I’m probably an offender on most of the above. That’s OK, my blog, my right to be snarky and hypocritical.

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Of “Bad Jeans” and Blurred Boundaries

Posted by Compositor B on April 25, 2009

This item from Lileks last week, in which he fisks George Will, merits further consideration. Recap for those to lazy to click-n-read: Will writes a column decrying denim as the root of all degradation in society. We’ve “slovenly” and “infantile” because adults wear jeans, to paraphrase. Lileks takes him mercilessly (and hilariously) to task.

That being said, is there something to the notion that society’s overall dress code seems to have gone “extreme casual,” and that this suggests something truly negative? That some “slovenly beast, its hour come round at last, slouches from the food court towards Abercrombie to be born?”

I don’t think there’s any question that society has become more casual in appearance, but I don’t think it necessarily follows that this is a symptom of the end of days.  It’s possible to be perfectly “adult” while wearing jeans, shorts, sandals, whatever, as top-flight engineers at hi-tech firms with casual dress codes would agree. 

Another thought:  perhaps increasing “casualness”  is something inevitable as economic prosperity and political freedom grow, and thus a positive thing. Broad-based wealth and legal equality may drive a confluence of fashion trends among all of society’s layers. Whereas Elizabethan England had vast numbers dressed in filthy rags, and a privileged few dressed in breathtaking finery, supported by sumptuary laws. Vast disparities in dress code were merely a symptom of that society’s underlying inequalities. 

But I want to make a distinction here that those of a curmudgeonly bent might argue does not exist. While increasing casualness qua casualness may not be a bad thing, perhaps the increasing tendency of adults to dress and act like children is a phenomenon of concern? A sign of a dangerous infanilization (and hence “unseriousness” of adult society?

Example: dad and junior at the mall, both wearing jeans and t-shirts. One can usually note that the clothes were purchased from different stores.  Dad in a plain tee or one with a humorous message? OK. Dad in a funky “Hot Topic” tee replete with flaming skulls, or one with a particularly crude sexual message that’s the juvenile visual equivalent of blasting Eminem as loudly as possible while cruising with the windows down?  Kinda creepy.

Further, I have bad news for junior. Like it or not, we adults are horning in on your fashion action. Times past, we could count on the kids wearing crap and doing their hair in ways so annoying that adults wanted no part of it. Not any more. Increasingly, we adults wear the specific brands and styles of casual clothes that kids try vainly to cordon off for themselves. Guilty as charged – I have some B&W Puma shoes, that instantly became lame when my daughter saw me wear them. I’ve been strictly warned against buying certain specific fashion items. It doesn’t help that everything returns as a retread. Your teen doesn’t care that “we were wearing Converse shoes before you were born” – she just doesn’t want you to ruin the mojo by wearing it in its current incarnation.

Ditto various technologies. I’m on Facebook. So are lots of adults. Should we be? For a while I resisted it, precisely because I esteemed it not sufficiently grown-up. Likewise, I like lots of current music enjoyed by my kids. Should I? Or should I be listening exclusively to the 80s and 90s XM stations, rejoicing when Bon Jovi makes another appearance?

Lotsa words for a qualified “maybe.” I’m open to the argument that adults dressing in identical styles to kids and listening to the same bands and playing the exact same video games is sign of an infantilized and spoiled culture, one incapable of mustering up the will to resist deadly enemies abroad and to make hard choices at home.

I’m also open to the idea that the previous sentence is a bunch of nonsense. Read Aristophanes. 2400 years ago, and the ”parent generation” (with the twin tasks of raising the young and caring for the old)  was bitching about how everything has gone to hell, and that the youth were a bunch of drunken, disrespectful slackers off fornicating in the bushes when they should be growing up and acting more responibly. “Woe is us, we’re doomed.” Looking at the current state of things and with horror at the younger generation to which we must pass the torch seems a hardy human perennial.

What, you thought there’d be a definitive answer…? :)

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Killer Ants – A Reflection Upon One of the Greatest TV Shows EVAH!

Posted by Compositor B on April 22, 2009

Killer Ants. Seriously. Saw it years ago. The wife and I were cuddled on the couch in domestic bliss, surfing Sunday night TV for something worthwhile. And lo and behold – at precisely 7 PM we flip to the Discovery channel, just in time for a one-hour special called “Killer Ants.” Now, come on. How can you resist a show called “KILLER ANTS??” The name says it all. One whole hour of badass ants with huge jaws and ugly attitudes destroying everything in their path as they go on a killing rampage. I’m thinking Emmy award, here.

Me: “Yes! Totally awesome!” (reaching for the popcorn).

Her: “Gross! You really want to watch this?” (reaching for the barfbag).

So we watch. And it does not disappoint. We go from the Cost Rican army ants (watch them disassemble a whole scorpion), to the ferocious “jack jumpers” of Australia, who hunt alone and spend whatever time they aren’t single-handedly taking out wasps and bees in fighting one another for supremacy within the nest. The coup de grace are the African driver ants (“Siafu” in the Masai language), that take out whole chickens and rodents (and everything else) in a 20-million strong swarm of destruction. We got plenty of close-up views inside the colony thanks to the “AntCam,” and even humans were not safe from the scourge.

Of course, I have to pay for this later…

{Sometime around 3 am…} “Bryan! Wake up! You are covered in spiders and ants!!”

“Huh? No, I don’t think so.”

“Yes you are!! You’re covered!”

“No honey, you’re just having a bad dream because we watched the ant show. Go back to bed, it’s OK.” 

“grumble grumble…zzzz.”

{Morning – 8 AM} “Why didn’t you turn on the light last night?”

“What?”

“When I was having that bug dream. You didn’t even turn on the light to check it out.”

“Umm, that’s because I knew you were dreaming. It certainly didn’t FEEL like I was covered in spiders and ants biting me to death.”

“But you could’ve checked it out. I thought my pillow was full of bugs.”

“You didn’t tell me that. I told you that you were dreaming.”

“Yes, but you could have turned on the light to show me my pillow wasn’t full of bugs.”

“You didn’t tell me you thought your pillow was full of bugs! You said I was.”

“But why didn’t you at least turn on the light to show me there weren’t really any bugs? You were too busy sleeping to bother.”

“Is this a joke?”

“No, I’m just curious why you didn’t at least turn on the light to check it out and reassure me my pillow wasn’t full of bugs…”

Bizarre conversation. Went on far too long. Whatever. It was worth it. Did they ever make ”Killer Ants II?” I suspect I’ll be watching that one alone.

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